FROM THE HART
How do teenagers come to terms with their sexuality?
Advice on love, relationships, sex and other issues relevant to sexual minorities.
Dear Taylor,
by Taylor Hart
I'm a sixteen year old girl and I think I might be a lesbian. Hoes does someone decide if he or she is gay? How can I be sure that I'm a lesbian?
Dear Jelly Bean,
Jelly Bean
First, let me assure you that all teenagers, whether they be gay, straight or bisexual, are sometimes confused by their sexuality. At this time of your life it is normal to feel the need to define yourself and it is common to sometimes be confused about such issues as sexuality, ethics, love, etc. Your writing to me is evidence that you are dealing with these issues in a rational and healthy manner.
I believe that everyone is born with a sexual orientation, whether it be heterosexual (straight), an attraction to people of the opposite gender; homosexual (gay or lesbian), an attraction to people of the same gender; or bisexual (bi), an attraction to people of both genders. I believe that our sexuality is already decided at birth and that the environment only plays a role in when and how we choose to express it. I don't believe that anyone turns or becomes gay. Some people just discover or admit their sexuality later than others, sometimes even after living a straight lifestyle.
A gay male or lesbian is someone who desires a special romantic or sexual relationship exclusively with people of their own gender. Homosexuals are estimated to be about 10 to 15 percent of all people. That could mean that one out of every ten of your classmates are homosexual. That also means that at least 25 million homosexuals live in the United States. So, if you are a lesbian, you are far from being alone.
When helping people decide if they are really gay or lesbian there are four questions I generally ask:
1. Do you very often desire to be held by someone of your own gender?
2. Do you find yourself desiring or fantasizing about dating someone of your own gender?
3. When you masturbate, do you fantasize about having a relationship, either sexual or emotional, with someone of your own gender?
4. Are you "turned off" by the idea of being sexual with someone of the opposite gender?
If you answered "Yes" to all or most of these questions you are probably gay or lesbian.
Remember that the words gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, etc., are only the labels of human sexuality. Our sexuality is very important, but it does not define us. Gays and lesbians come from all walks of life: rich, poor, people of color, Caucasian, liberal and conservative. Forget the stereotypes! Gay men and lesbians can be anyone: your doctor, your sister, your mail carrier, the nice, elderly woman who lives next door. There is no such thing as a “gay” personality!
I recommend that you or anyone questioning their sexuality call information and find out if there is a gay or lesbian hotline in your area. If the operator cannot find such a listing, call a counseling center and ask them for a hotline referral. Call the hotline. The people who staff such hotlines are specially trained to help you discuss your feelings and concerns. The hotline personnel can provide you with information regarding gay businesses, AIDS, safer sex, social service organizations and gay community events. Most are also prepared to make referrals for counseling geared toward gays and lesbians. If a hotline is not available in your area, try calling the closest large city. There are also many books available at the library that can be very useful. My point is that there are many resources available if you actively pursue them.
I also strongly recommend attending a gay and lesbian youth group if one is available in your area. I joined one myself when I was sixteen. It was the greatest feeling in the world to meet other gay teenagers who shared with me many of the same feelings and concerns. The emotional support I received there made the process of coming out of the closet (recognizing that I was gay) so much caster than if I had done it alone. Plus I made many good friends in the gay youth group, some of whom I am sure will be my friends for life.
In closing I just want to say that it is important to be honest with yourself and be willing to face the person that you are inside. Even when it isn't easy. Self-knowledge is the foundation of a prosperous, successful and happy life!
(The Cleveland Lesbian-Gay Hotline can be reached at 216-781-6736. In Lorain or adjacent counties call 800-447-7163. In Columbus call 614-299-7764. The National Youth Gay-Lesbian Hotline can be reached toll free at 800-3478336. Other hotlines may be available.)
Dear Taylor,
Do uncircumcised men feel more pleasure than circumsized men?
Dear Curious,
Just Curious
When they're with me they do! (puff-
puff).
Need help with your love life? Taylor welcomes your questions. Send them to Taylor Hart care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland, OH 44101
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DECEMBER 10, 1993 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE
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